“They’re Not Allowed to Do That”: Trump Says Protesters, Broadcasters Must Now Get Permission Slips from Mar-a-Lago
WASHINGTON — President Trump has once again declared open season on his critics, this time saying protesters who shouted at him during dinner in D.C. were not only rude but a “threat” deserving jail time. His solution? Treat heckling like organized crime and toss them in prison.
Trump insisted that yelling at him while he was trying to enjoy his crab legs was basically a national security risk. One diner said he hadn’t seen the man so rattled by four women since the last episode of The View.
The President also revived his call to brand “antifa” as a terrorist group, though nobody seems clear on how to arrest a movement that doesn’t have an office, a leader, or even a P.O. box. It’s a little like declaring “people who roll their eyes” a cartel.
Trump then claimed he had to “do something” about the “harmful language” of what he called “meanie progressives” to protect his “MAGA 2.0 Snowflakes.” He said he even offered them more guns, but they turned him down, worried they’d end up shooting each other over who’s the “most MAGAest.”
The biggest laugh came when Trump set his sights on late-night comedians. He praised networks for suspending Jimmy Kimmel and suggested Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers should be next. Trump argued that broadcasters are “licensed” and therefore “not allowed to make fun of me.”
Which, for the record, is like saying your driver’s license means you can only talk NICE about the cop who pulled you over.
Former Vice President Kamala Harris called it “an outright abuse of power.” Others simply called it the thinnest skin ever wrapped around the loudest mouth in politics.
At press time, White House officials were reportedly drafting new FCC rules requiring every monologue to begin with, “Trump is the greatest president who ever lived and looks great in golf pants.” Failure to comply may result in mandatory viewing of a 12-hour Trump rally highlights reel narrated by Mike Lindell.
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