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From Bringing Home the Bacon… to Misplacing the Grocery List
By the Mountain Bee
ABINGDON — Folks across Southwest Virginia have been spotted squinting into the distance lately, not looking for storms or deer crossings, but trying to confirm a local legend.
No, not Bigfoot.
The Appalachian one.
Congressman Morgan “WoodBooger” Griffith.
Older residents say there was once a different kind of Congressman roaming these hills. A fella by the name of Rick Boucher. Served 28 years. Folks claim he did strange and unusual things, like answering constituent calls, building infrastructure, and dragging federal dollars back over the mountain like a man hauling in firewood before winter.
Historians report Boucher helped bring broadband before most folks knew what “the internet” even was. Built trails. Water systems. Industrial parks. Jobs. Thousands of them. They say he even convinced companies to move here on purpose.
One witness, now retired, swears Boucher once showed up in person to solve a problem without first appearing on cable news.
Unverified, but widely believed.
Then came the great political storm of 2010, and out of that fog emerged… the ‘WoodBooger’.
At first, expectations were high. After all, if one congressman could bring home the bacon, surely the next could at least bring home a biscuit.
But over a decade later, local experts say Griffith’s list of accomplishments is still being compiled. Early drafts suggest it will fit comfortably on a business card. Possibly the back of one.
“Hard to bring home the bacon when you keep votin’ against the farm,” said one lifelong resident, staring thoughtfully at an empty plate.
Economic developers report a noticeable shift in strategy. Where Boucher once pitched Southwest Virginia to companies, Griffith has reportedly focused on pitching… talking points. Infrastructure has been replaced with interviews. Job recruitment replaced with newsletters. And the only thing consistently delivered to the district appears to be explanations.
Lots and lots of explanations.
Meanwhile, longtime voters have begun comparing eras.
Under Boucher, people remember water lines expanding from less than a third of households to nearly all. Roads widened. Flood projects completed. Tourism built. Tech jobs recruited. The kind of steady, unglamorous work that doesn’t trend on social media but does show up in paychecks.
Under the Congressman WoodBooger, residents report a different kind of development. Sightings are rare, much like the ‘Real’ WoodBooger that outsiders know as BigFoot. Results are even rarer. And when he does appear, it’s often to explain why something couldn’t be done, shouldn’t be done, or was someone else’s fault.
Local folklore is already adapting.
Children are now told if they don’t behave, the WoodBooger might show up… campaignin’.
Economic analysts at the Kwik Market have concluded the district now operates under a new model called “Invisible Infrastructure,” where progress exists mostly in theory and press releases.
Still, hope remains.
Somewhere between the Virginia Creeper Trail and an abandoned campaign promise, folks say you can still hear echoes of a time when a congressman knew every county, every road, and just about every person who needed help.
Back when bringing home the bacon wasn’t a metaphor.
It was the job.
As for today, residents continue scanning the hills, waiting for the next sighting.
Not of Bigfoot.
Of WORK. Of results.
History of Congressman ‘WoodBooger’ Griffith: https://moutain-bee.beehiiv.com/p/the-legend-of-congressman-morgan-woodbooger-griffith
The ‘WoodBooger’ Chronicles: https://moutain-bee.beehiiv.com/p/the-woodbooger-chronicles
Crash Expert: “This Looks Like 1929” → 71,048 Diversifying Here
Mark Spitznagel, who made $1B in a single day during the 2015 flash crash, warned markets are mimicking 1929. Seems extreme but we did just see the worst quarter for the S&P since 2022.
So it’s not so surprising that Vanguard and Goldman Sachs forecasted 5% and 3% annual S&P returns respectively for 2024-2034.
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